VCs are tossing Venture capitalists new dating apps around like they’re throwing wedding confetti. We’d like to think that these apps are different, focused on fulfilling “genuine connection” and “IRL experiences.” Founders with Instagram and Google pedigree are creating them. But even Gen Z is joining the fun! Apps like 222 are currently raising millions based off their promises of personality quiz powered, real-world matchmaking. But before we pop the bubbly, let’s discuss some inconvenient truths hiding under these glossy tech pitch decks.
Privacy's Slow Erosion, One Swipe at a Time
For years, we’ve been hearing the alarm bells sounding over Big Tech’s data collection. Now, dating apps have become the newest iteration, coming up with their own creative spin on the problem. They’re doing more than selling you targeted ads for toothpaste. Rather, they’re promising you the hope of romance—in the least, maybe a Saturday night out. Think about the sheer volume of intimate data these apps collect: your hopes, your fears, your deepest desires, all meticulously analyzed and fed into algorithms.
Remember the Cambridge Analytica scandal? That was about influencing elections. Now picture that same kind of data manipulation being brought to something much more personal—your love life. What happens when this data gets hacked? Or sold to the highest bidder? Would insurers be allowed to look at your Tinder profile and decide you’re a higher risk? Could employers fire you for your choice of partner? These aren't hypothetical scenarios; they're looming possibilities.
It’s not limited to egregious instances of data breaches. The small pushes and suggestions these apps use to guide you will influence your decisions without you noticing it at all. Are you really getting the most qualified candidates? Or are you just being fed choices that increase engagement and ad revenue for the app? The new boundaries between authentic engagement and curated exposure through algorithm are fading and the impacts might be far-reaching.
IRL: Exclusion Zones for the Unplugged
The appeal of returning to nature and pursuing these “IRL connections” is undeniably attractive, a nice counterbalance to all that swiping and ghosting. Let's be honest: it creates new forms of social pressure and exclusion. Not all of us have the time, money, or social capital to plug into carefully curated “experiences” arranged by some app. What about people with disabilities? What of those who live in rural communities, or who are just more comfortable with a less chaotic, more self-directed mode of engagement?
The emphasis on IRL events plays into a dangerous narrative: that online interactions are somehow less "real" or less valuable. After all, some of the most significant connections begin on the internet. The internet can be a lifeline for people who have difficulty forming connections in physical spaces. In focusing on in-person events first, these apps threaten to make socially privileged echo chambers while sidelining marginalized communities.
Take Kndrd, an app that’s all about making IRL connections. While the intention might be noble, it's worth asking: who gets to define what constitutes a "genuine" IRL experience? And perhaps the most important question, who gets left out from these highly publicized and carefully maintained social bubbles? The search for “authenticity” is a slippery slope toward social gatekeeping in disguise.
Dating App Echo Chambers: The Loneliness Trap
These startups have been advertising hyper-personalized matching, employing complex algorithms and personality tests to match you with your the “perfect” partner. What if the pursuit of algorithmic perfection actually undermines the serendipity and unexpected connections that make relationships so rewarding?
Think about it: the more data you feed into these apps, the more they reinforce your existing biases and preferences. First, you’re stuck in a filter bubble. Suddenly you’re in a bubble, where everyone thinks like you, strengthening your beliefs and limiting your understanding of new ideas. This can lead to a sense of stagnation both mentally and spiritually. Consequently, it leads you to be stagnant and unevolved as an individual.
Additionally, the never-ending pursuit of the “best” match can lead to a never-ending search mindset and lead to unmet expectations and disappointment. Nobody’s perfect, and any relationship takes compromise and work. When you're constantly presented with the illusion of endless options, it's easy to fall into the trap of always searching for something better, never fully committing to the person you're with.
The rise of these new dating apps is a symptom of a deeper cultural malaise: a growing sense of isolation and disconnection in an increasingly digital world. Technology can be an important tool, but it should complement—not replace—real human connection. What’s required are common values and a willingness to accept the awkwardness that comes with the messiness of everyday life. Before we blindly embrace these new platforms, we need to ask ourselves: are we truly building bridges, or just reinforcing the walls of our own echo chambers? Yet the long-term societal impact of such change on what we value and expect in relationships, and the institution of marriage, is something that should be vigorously debated.
